Bonds are thicker than blood

October 27, 2017

Often the deepest concern of most adopted children is why their birth parents chose to have them put up for adoption in the first place.

Was this a well thought out decision or was this the only solution to a careless mistake- a minor slip up in the birth parents’ lives?

Was this adoption based on genuine concern and love or was it the only way to get rid of a problem?

Many adopted children ask themselves this question when contemplating their adoption, and despite any reassurances that come from adoptive parents and supportive peers, the loaded question of why me? is constantly on their mind.

The self-worth of an adoptive child can be deeply affected by the answers to these questions, but not all adoptions are like the horror stories told on the news.

Many adoptions end up being the most wonderful things a kid could ever have- full of opportunities an adopted child would never have had if they didn’t have the adoptive parents they have today.

This is true for senior Rebecca Scimio, who retains an open relationship with her birth parents, despite living states away with her adoptive ones.

“I knew my whole life that I was adopted,” said Scimio. “It was never a secret or something that was new to me.”

According to parents.com, many adoption workers advise parents of adoptive children to introduce the word "adoption" as early as possible so that it becomes a comfortable part of a child's vocabulary.

The recommended age to tell a child about their adoption is ideally between the ages of six and eight, according to a parents.com research article by Dr. Steven Nickman, a working child psychiatrist with over 53 years of experience in his field.

According to the article, by the time children are six years old, they usually feel established enough in their family not to feel threatened by learning about adoption.

Sophomore Evan Roncace was told about the circumstances regarding his birth around this time.

“Although very young children may be confused, I believe that it is better to be confused for a short period of time rather than find out that the people you lived with your entire life aren’t actually genetically related to you,” said sophomore Evan Roncace.

This is especially the case with adopted children of different races or ethnicities.

Children who have different facial features or skin tones compared to their adopted parents may pick up on these differences early on, creating awkward situations with strangers if they don’t understand the details of their adoption fully.

“Sometimes, people come up and ask about my adopted sister Grace, who was born in China,” said junior Cole Klemstine. “Often these encounters are friendly, but every so often people come off as rude or crass.”

But sometimes knowing you’re adopted doesn’t make the situation easier.

“I know that without my adoptive parents, I wouldn’t live the life I have now, and I wouldn’t have the opportunities that I do,” said Scimio. “But I think that with all adoptive children, there will always be that ‘what if’ in the back of their mind.”

Despite having loving parents or a stable family situation, it’s hard for adoptive children to know that despite all that they have now, their original parents chose not to raise them.

And even if there is a good reason for the adoption- “They didn’t have enough money,” “They had too many children to take care of already,” “They wished for me to have a better life than they could give me”- there will always be that sense of discontentment knowing that the family you have isn’t your’s by blood.

“I think that being told about adoption can lead to insecurities in adoptive children, with them dealing with why their parents didn’t want them or why they were placed for adoption,” said Klemstine.

This is especially certain in cases of closed adoption where the birth parents remain anonymous towards the child they’ve placed for adoption.

But despite this, and despite the questions on how life would be different if they weren’t placed for adoption, many adoptive children are thankful for their families and wouldn’t want to change a thing.

“I think that every adoptive kid has that thought of how things would be different if they weren’t adopted or if they went to a different family,” said Scimio. “And while some kids don’t have as open of a relationship with their birth parents as I do, I think that despite this, family is family, and blood doesn’t change a thing.”